Crossing the street in Cambridge

Lots of people ask me, “John, how do mamage to get across the streets in Cambridge”? Cambridge drivers, of course, see pedestrians as so many tin cans to flatten. Here’s my strategy:
First of all, no one is going to stop for you in a crosswalk if you stay on the curb like so many timid souls do. The “state law stop for pedestrians” signs could be dripping blood, and it wouldn’t phase them. The trick is to make a quick and confident first stride off the curb, furtively making sure that the driver sees you and will actually stop but — and this is the most important part — without letting them see you seeing them. Only when you’re sure that they will stop can you look at them so they don’t think you’re totally crazy. Secondly, and this is controversial, you must never wave thanks. They’re required by law to stop, of course, so they’re not doing you any favors. If you thank them, as do many unthinking pedestrians, you introduce in their minds the pernicious notion that they were doing you a favor, and the next time they approach a crosswalk with a doubt as to whether to hit the gas or the brake, you don’t want them thinking, “I already did my favor for today.” It might just be me in the crosswalk, looking out of the corner of my eye!